Procrastination – A problem

 Hey everyone! I hope everyone is staying safe and wearing their masks! Today I have part 2 in my “Everyday problems with A.N” which is what I’ve decided to call it until I find a better name (leave suggestions down below if you have any!) But this is part 2 in my journal entries. I hope you enjoy today’s about procrastination as I know it might resonate with a bunch of you.

Now I know I know that you think that if I just ~try~ hard enough I can’t be a procrastinator but here’s the problem. The reason I procrastinate isn’t because I don’t want to do the task, it’s because I’m afraid it’s going to be bad. Now that might just be me but I’m afraid of failure and it’s so bad that sometimes I can’t even bring myself to write something or do something because the impending fear of failing is worse than anything else. And it really doesn’t help when my grades are on the line because now the pressure is high which means I’m even more scared of trying to do something. 

Now I don’t really talk about this to most people because to me it’s embarrassing and I mean why would I want to tell someone that I’m so afraid of failing that I don’t even try. It obviously hurts my self esteem because why wouldn’t it and when I look at other people succeeding in whatever they do like art, dance, studies, whatever, I feel so much work because they people have the courage to set these fears aside and just keep pushing themselves to do it and it pays off. That’s what makes it so hard because I’m so proud of these people for being so good at what they do which makes me feel worse about myself because I’m obviously not good at what I like and that just breaks my heart. 

I don’t know how many of you will relate but I can promise you that you aren’t alone and that there is someone here who understands. I know it can be hard and sometimes you really just don’t want to and that’s ok because you will have bad days which will hurt you but the point is to stand up regardless and do it. It can be hard but if I can do it, so can you. I like to use the motto: “A bad thing can be fixed, an empty thing can’t.” The basic idea is that just because something is bad doesn’t mean you can’t make it better but if your document is empty you can’t do anything to it. I use this to get me through some of my worst procrastination periods when I feel so bad about myself and so instead of wallowing in my pity, I stand up and do what I need to. 

For me, my worst procrastination ‘periods’ happen when the assignment is important or when I really need to get something for whatever reason. Now I know this happens to me because the more important it is meaning there’s more on the line and now my overthinking brain (mentioned in my last letter) is going crazy because there’s so many consequences if I fail. This means that now instead of working and actually doing something I overthink everything that could go wrong. This also creates a paradox because I’m also going crazy at the prospect of what would happen if I didn’t do it. So now I can’t start it because I’m scared of failing however if I don’t start I’m definitely failing. This is where I completely don’t know what to do and I feel truly lost. When this happens I usually try to calm myself especially if I’m on the verge of tears and sometimes i just don’t know what to do. When I just feel lost, I move on to something I would rather do or something that will let me allow myself to stop thinking about the task on hand so I can come back to it with a clearer head. For this perhaps I read a book, eat something, take a quick walk (even better if I go buy something to eat) or just talking to someone about random things helps too. 

It does always take a little bit of time before I’m ready to go back into doing the work but it really helps when you have a clearer mind to go do something again because chances are you won’t be judging it emotionally after that break instead more logically. It’s also a kind of motivational thing because you’ve motivated yourself enough to go back and do it and that in itself is a huge accomplishment. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that your accomplishments aren’t worth it because when we say do your best we don’t mean your ultimate best instead the best you could do in the situation you were in and that’s ok! Sometimes just getting up and going to school is a big achievement and that’s valid because it’s your life and your achievements are yours to enjoy. With that note remember not to judge anyone on the way they’re doing because they could be having a bad day instead be a person they can rely on or someone who makes things just a tad bit easier to deal with. Just treat people with kindness regardless of how they treat you, it’s better for you in the long run. 

Now this is going on too long, even my attention span isn’t long enough for this. So just remember it’s ok to not feel the best everyday, “A bad thing can be fixed, an empty thing can’t and lastly remember to treat people with kindness. 😉 

Love A.N

Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed! I hope it struck to you in one way or another. Please don’t forget to like, comment and share. Also drop down something else you want me to write on! Thank you!

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